the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
