Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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