i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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