Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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