Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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