Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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