Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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