I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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