the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
