If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
