my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
