so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
