i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
