just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
