I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
