God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
