this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
