i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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