You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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