i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
