Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
