I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
