jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
