i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So squirting runs in the family.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
pray to the hookup gods
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
