My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
