I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
