You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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