doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
