I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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