its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
