Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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