turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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