Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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