I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
