i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
