I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
