matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
