Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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