Me too!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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