On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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