Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
