she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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