WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
