Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
