i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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