You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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