Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
