After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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