Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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