I think my fart just growled at me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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