so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
