I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
