i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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