I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
