So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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