Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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