Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
