Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
