Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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