well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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