So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
