i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
