So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
