i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
