You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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