glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
