I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
