not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
