I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
