yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
