Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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