So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
