my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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