she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
