Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
