I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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