He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
