these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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